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You're Doing the Hoovering All Wrong!

You're Doing the Hoovering All Wrong!

Article by Violet Fenn





Sometimes a new type of sex toy comes out and it’s all I can do not to shriek from the rooftops about how brilliant it is and how everyone should have one. When I say sometimes, I mean ‘once in a very blue moon’, because it’s incredibly rare for truly new and innovative products to come out - and even rarer for said products to actually live up to the hype.



Sonic clitoral stimulators initially came to public attention via those brilliant folk at Womanizer, the German firm whose attention to design detail made everyone sit up and take notice.



My own first experience with such products was with Pro model from Satisfyer, who rapidly started catching up on the market with their own versions of the same idea. These days there are many alternative takes on the same design - just this last week I reviewed an amazingly bizarre version called Cuddly Bird, which is (I kid you not) a sex toy that doubles up as a night light.



So what makes these products so different from everything else on the market? To be blunt - they just work. They work well and they work for pretty much anyone who has a clitoris attached to their person.



But how do they do it? Put simply, they suck your clitoris and stimulate the nerves until you simply cannot stop yourself coming like a steam train. It’s a sensation that’s incredibly difficult to explain to anyone who hasn’t tried it for themselves. If you’ve ever used a really powerful massage wand such as a Doxy or Hitachi, you’ll have some idea of that helpless ‘Oh God! I think the world might be exploding and there’s nothing I can do about it’ level of intensity that’s involved when your body responds in such an automatic way that you simply have no choice in the matter.




The advantage that clit stim products have over other sex toys is that they’re completely non-invasive, which makes them less intimidating for beginners or those who simply like their pleasure without penetration. They’re also reasonably quiet, although that comes with a bit of a caveat - many of them are nigh on silent whilst in actual use, but sound like a tractor revving up if you break the suction. ‘Keep it clamped onto your sensitive bits until after you switch it off’ is my advice - don’t blame me if you don’t and give the cat PTSD.




Although there are now many different styles around, the basic premise of these products is more or less the same. Many describe themselves as ‘non-contact’, which is a bit disingenuous - the vibrations themselves don’t physically touch you, but the toy suctions itself onto you over the top of the clitoris, producing pinpoint stimulation by way of sonic waves.




The effect is better when the suction has an airtight seal, but doesn’t rely on it - I have a VCH piercing (‘vertical clitoral hood’) and the bar means that I can never achieve a proper seal with these products, but I’ve never yet had an unsatisfactory experience with them.



The difference between products is really down to quality of the workmanship and much depends simply on which shape feels better in your hand. Some are big enough to feel as though you’re clamping a 1970s hairdryer to your nether regions, but the payoff is that they often have the best power output. There’s very good reason why a dear friend of mine insists on referring to these products as ‘vadge hoovers’!



At the other extreme, some models also now come in tiny, very portable versions - my favourite at the moment is the Satisfyer Pro Travel, because it’s so tiny and discreet. But if I had to pick one over all the others, it would be my beautiful special edition skull print Womanizer Pro - small, powerful and utterly gorgeous to look at.





Sonic stimulators are one of the few products that you really can take a chance on in the knowledge it will almost certainly work for you.

Go on, treat yourself!

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